Allison Goes To Bible Class

Posted by Allison Norman on

 Setting: Houston Texas mid 80's A Private Baptist school:  a group of 3rd graders sit on the floor in a Baptist school bible class

The Bible teacher is a small dark haired man with a mustache. He looks kindly and lighthearted. What he’s saying is, however not lighthearted nor kindly 

He’s explaining to the children all about god and life and death and heaven and hell

The children look rapt, understanding that this man is talking about very important things - accepting, that because he has the gall to speak with authority that he wasntelling the truth because they were told soThat this man has this knowledge to impart. 

Except one girl. The smallest kid, a little dark haired girl isn’t sitting like the other kids, she’s laying on the floor, propped up on her elbows, looking incredulously from the teacher, to her peers, remembering how the Bible teacher ~ after telling the class last week about eternity, couldn’t actually answer one question regarding Eternity,,, (the concept of which baffled and haunted her ever since)

and simply became frustrated by her question and stated that all she needed was faith in God... 

Which was the dumbest answer she’d ever heard to a very serious question.

 

So today he’s telling the children of heaven (which sounds fabulous) and the only golden ticket to heaven: Jesus

 

The ONLY way to eternal happiness is Jesus. 

It matters not what good you do in the world, he explains

If you don’t follow the rules. The Christian rules, the Baptist rules. If you don’t specifically worship Jesus

 

 

 

She looks around to see who is buying this

 

They all are

 

“Ok,” without raising her hand ....

“So , ok, so say there’s a baby  who is in a plane crash in the Amazon and some native jungle tribe finds her and raises her as their own and they’re all amazing people and you’re telling me that the baby and the tribe go to hell because there’s no way that they could know about “Jesus” even though they are among and kind and generous people and they even follow her Ten Commandments without knowing them ....they still go to Hell?”

 

“Yes”, he says

She then raises her hand 

“Yes, Allison?”

 

“You’re wrong. That’s the stupidest and meanest thing I’ve ever heard”

He tried to talk, but she continues 

“Sooo you’re trying to tell me that ALL of the people in India are going to Hell?”

 

“Well, not if they accept Jesus” he replies with a mustachioed  patronizing smile

 

“you are so  wrong, it doesn’t work like that”

 

“Well aren’t you a little commie?”

He replied 

“I guess so” I said not knowing what that was but assuming it meant something along the lines of deep thinker. 

If I could go back in time I would correct him , “No, you obtuse Bible beating fanatic, I’m a Little Socialist.” 

3 comments


  • You were so intuitive in your thinking as a child. I wondered the exact same things, how devout and loving Buddhists or Hindus, etc would be cast into Hell while hypocritical Christians got a free pass. Sounded like a load of shit to me.

    I was also very unimpressed with the idea that animals had no souls and did not go to heaven.

    I knew I’d rather be with the good-hearted heathens and loving animals from a fairly young age.

    Brad on

  • This is so so on point!! ….right up there with my question to those same “people” in the church when I was in the fourth or fifth grade. “If no one’s ever seen God, or Jesus for that matter, how do you know he looks like that?” I wish I’d had a picture of the look on the teacher’s face…
    I love ya, girlie!! I may be 53 today…and you’re maybe 25?? (Or maybe not even that old)😘…but I swear we were sisters in one of our past lives. 💜✨🖤🔮

    Ann on

  • This is so so on point!! ….right up there with my question to those same “people” in the church when I was in the fourth or fifth grade. “If no one’s ever seen God, or Jesus for that matter, how do you know he looks like that?” I wish I’d had a picture of the look on the teacher’s face…
    I love ya, girlie!! I may be 53 today…and you’re maybe 25?? (Or maybe not even that old)😘…but I swear we were sisters in one of our past lives. 💜✨🖤🔮

    Ann on

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